Loving Moony
by PBAYW
Summary: Sirius is in love with Moony, doesn't know how to tell him. My first ever fanfic. SBRL slash.


**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, Harry wouldn't be such a jerk, Remus and Sirius would've been together and Sirius wouldn't have died! No one else good would've died either. In short: I don't own the characters or settings or anything to do with Harry Potter.**

**A/N: OK, this is my first ever fanfic. I started a Lano and Woodley one once but never could be bothered finishing it. I wonder what happened to it... Ah well. So this is set in Marauders era, Remus and Sirius are in love, really chiched and obvious but I'll try to write better ones. Later.**

_Dear Remus,_

_For several years now our differences and our similarities have caused me to try to ignore you with flings with meaningless girls. I have had to ignore the way your hair sparkles with gold in the sunlight, I've had to ignore the passion in your eyes when talking about your favourite things, I've had to ignore the way you eat your chocolate, the way you savour it, sucking and licking and I can bear it no longer. I love you. And I hope that you-_

'Hey, what're you writing?'

Sirius stood up as quickly as humanly possible from his seat near the fire, staring at the boy who had interrupted his letter writing. He dropped his quill as he scrunched up the parchment he had been writing on and made to throw it in the fire.

'Accio!' The boy standing in front of him cast a summoning charm and the parchment zoomed away from the fire to the boy's hands.

Sirius looked startled. 'Don't!' was the only word he could manage and he stuttered it several times before he noticed the boy was not unscrunching it to see what he had been so keen to hide but holding it out for Sirius to take. Sirius mumbled one more little 'don't' before taking the parchment from the boy with a tiny 'Thankyou, Moony.' that was aimed at the floor.

'That's ok, Padfoot.' Moony said, looking at Sirius with a confused and slightly concerned look on his face. 'If you didn't want me to read it, you could've just said so. You don't have to go throwing things in the fire; you'd probably regret that later.'

Sirius nodded, still staring at the floor and muttered 'Goodnight, Moony.' then hurried towards the dormitory where he fell onto his bed, tears of mortification streaming down his bright red cheeks.

_Why would you do that? _His own thoughts were making him feel worse. He got up and walked over to his trunk. _Why would you write it out in the common room for one? Anyone can look over your shoulder there. Why would you write it at all? You were never planning to send it so why write it? Now what's Moony going to think? _He paused in the act of getting undressed to think about this. What _was_ Moony going to think? It must have looked pretty strange… _Why couldn't you play it cool, Sirius? That's meant to be what you're so good at. You're the cool marauder, well, you used to be. _Sirius groaned and hit himself in the head, as if that was going to make the thoughts stop and make him feel better but all it did was give him a small headache.

He heard someone coming up the stairs and pulled his shirt over his head and dove into bed where he attempted to feign sleep even though it was only eight o'clock.

'Padfoot?' with a sigh of relief he realised it was James's voice and not Remus's that called his name. He rolled over to look at James, forgetting what James would see when he looked at him.

'Why are you in bed so early? Moony said you'd acted weird then come up here, something about a piece of parchment, I wasn't really listening, Lily had just –'

But Sirius never did get to hear what Lily Evans, the object of James's desire, had just done because at that moment James had finally turned around to look at him. James knelt down next to Sirius's bed.

'Have you been crying?'

'What? No, of course not. What would I have to cry about? So what did Lily do that stopped you from listening to Remu- uh, Moony?'

Under normal circumstances, James would have gladly taken this opportunity to ramble on about Lily, as that was his favourite pastime. But these were _not_ normal circumstances.

'What's wrong, Padfoot? What was on the parchment? Why have you been crying?'

'Would you mind telling me why I am being interrogated?' Sirius snapped, sitting up in bed and wiping his face with his sleeve. 'All these questions, I feel like you're going to arrest me or something.'

James continued to stare at Sirius's face in silence, concern as plain as day on his pale face.

'OK, just answer me one question. What's wrong?'

Sirius lay back down and rolled away from James. 'Nothing.'

James headed back to his own bed and began to attempt to retrieve something from the bottom of his trunk. Just then Remus walked in, saw Sirius lying in bed and wondered what could have been on that parchment that would've made him act so strangely. He walked over to James and asked very quietly 'Did he tell you what's wrong?' James shook his head and Sirius felt the tears start again, but this time they weren't tears of embarrassment but tears of longing, of missing and of loving Remus Lupin. He nestled further down in his bed and, with an enormous amount of effort, fell asleep.

xXxXx

It was still dark when Sirius awoke the next morning and he had to light his wand to see the time on his watch. 5:00. He attempted to go back to sleep and spent the better part of an hour with Remus floating around his head, sometimes yelling at him, telling him he didn't want to be friends anymore and sometimes professing his love for Sirius. Hoping it would be the latter to come true, Sirius gave up the idea of sleep and began to slowly get dressed. When the rest of the Gryffindors began to wake up and enter the common room, Sirius was sitting by the fire, where he had been for the last few hours, resolutely attempting to read one of the books Remus was so fond of, hoping one of them would hold the secret of how to capture his interest or at least give Sirius something intelligent to talk about with him. He closed the book as his fellow Marauders entered the common room. James immediately spotted Lily and Peter watched him try to get a date out of her while Remus made a beeline straight for Sirius, sat on the couch next to him and initiated conversation.

'What happened last night?'

'What do you mean?' Sirius was determinedly avoiding eye contact with his best friend.

'What was on that parchment?'

Sirius remained silent, hoping that some interruption would stop Remus staring at him like that. He slowly made eye contact with Remus and immediately looked away, his eyes almost producing tears again now he saw the concern and worry in those beautiful eyes of Remus's.

_Stop being a sissy._ He told himself, _you're meant to be the man in this group. _He laughed out loud at this thought, _Yeah right; real men are the ones in love with other men._

He looked up at Remus again and saw surprise and confusion mixed with the worry and concern. Sirius laughed again and pulled Remus into a hug saying, 'I'm alright, Moony, I'm just fine. Never mind that letter now, I was overreacting about that.' He let go at him and held him at arms length. 'We OK, Moony?'

Remus looked considerably more surprised at this and slowly nodded as James and Peter approached them to sit in the armchairs either side of the still mutely surprised Remus and the slightly fake-looking happy Sirius who was trying with all his might to act normal when inside he was shrivelling with embarrassment and anxiety.

'What time did you get up, Padfoot?' James asked 'I woke up at 6 and you were already gone.'

Sirius looked up at James. He had been braced for the question about what was wrong last night but was all the same relieved that it didn't come. 'I woke up at 5 and came down here at about a quarter to 6 I think.'

Peter looked amazed 'Why?' he said incredulously, looking as though he was going to fall back to sleep at any moment.

'Couldn't sleep. I came down here and started reading one of Moony's books.' He looked at Remus as he said this and indicated the thick volume on his lap.

'I'm amazed you didn't fall straight back to sleep after the first line.' James joked, 'What's it about anyway?' Sirius handed him the book and he began reading the back and talking to Peter.

Sirius turned to Remus who had remained silent during the whole conversation. They made eye contact but neither spoke. Remus's eyes still sparkled with surprise and concern but Sirius could now see a twinkle of affection in there as well. Sirius's grey eyes had nothing but love in them when he looked at Remus, imagining them together, and all others had disappeared. Remus suddenly jerked his head away from Sirius, a disturbed look on his face as he turned it towards James and Peter who cheered.

'Congrats Padfoot!'

'Wha-?' Sirius and Remus had no idea what they were talking about.

'That was some staring competition; I've never seen Moony concentrate so hard on something other than homework!'

Sirius smiled and Remus leaned back on the lounge with the same disturbed look he had had when he had broken eye contact with Sirius.

xXxXx

Over the next few days it seemed to Sirius as though Remus was avoiding him. Whenever he entered the room he happened to be in, Remus would mutter something indistinct (though usually the word 'library' could be distinguished) and run out, usually leaving half his things behind. Sirius wasn't the only one to noticed Remus's odd behaviour but he was the only one to have an inkling of why. What Sirius had seen in Remus's eyes that morning was affection, maybe even love for Sirius, he was sure of it, but now Sirius had no idea what he was thinking or feeling and was determined to find out.

The day after Sirius had decided to make Remus's thoughts and feelings his top priority they were paired together in Herbology where they were told to repot mandrakes. Though the majority of their time was spent wearing earmuffs, Sirius did get a chance to talk to Remus while waiting for Professor Sprout to return with some more pots, as they had just broken their last one by attempting to fit a rather fat mandrake in.

'What's going on?'

Remus looked as though he had known this question was coming and had already resigned himself for the worst. 'What do you mean?'

'You've been avoiding me, Moony. I just want to know why.'

'I haven't been avoiding you.'

'Yes you have and you know it. Please tell me why.'

'I can't tell you, but I promise I'll stop it, ok? We're back to being normal best friends.'

Sirius could hear how serious Remus was and didn't push his luck by asking why again, he had his best friend back and that was enough for now.

They walked back up to the castle on either side of James who was on one of his Lily rants, giving them both ample time to think.

_How do I let Moony know I like him without him finding out I'm gay? _Sirius forced himself to tune in to James's voice.

'What else could I do?' James was saying, 'I've been perfectly nice to her, I'm a great Quidditch player, what more could she want?'

_Maybe she wants romance, not perfectly nice. Maybe she wants someone less arrogant and big headed than you. Maybe she wants someone without a gay best friend. _This thought process brought Sirius's mind right back to Remus, where it had started. _Damn you straight people and your commonness. _

The four of them, Peter trailing along behind, entered the great hall for lunch. Sirius made sure to get himself some coffee while the others found seats, ensuring that he would be the last one to sit down so he could get a seat next to Remus.

Sirius's plan worked well, he sat next to Remus who squirmed a bit but did not move away from the touch of Sirius's arm, for which Sirius was grateful.

Sirius listened to James's idea for the next prank they should play on Severus Snape, a boy whom James and Sirius loathed, and attempted to be enthusiastic although he just couldn't find the strength to truly mean any of the things he said.

'I don't think you should.' Remus finally piped up as they were fine-tuning the plan.

'What?' James looked astounded. Remus had never approved of their pranks before but his stand was always just not being involved, never actually trying to do anything about it.

'I don't think you should.' Remus repeated calmly, staring directly at Sirius. It was a challenge, Sirius saw it there, _you either agree with me and get what I know you want or you agree with James, play a prank and lose a friend. _Sirius did not like what he saw and not only because he hated decisions, but because Remus knew what he wanted, he knew his big secret.

'What do you think we _should _do then, Moony?' Sirius asked, hoping there could be an option other than just yes and no, although he did know which option most appealed to him.

'I don't think you should do a prank at all.' Remus continued to stare at Sirius.

'Fine.' Sirius said, the temptation of Remus too much to resist. 'No prank.'

'What?!' James looked outraged. 'Why are you just giving in, Padfoot? It's the best prank and you know it! You shouldn't do stuff just because _he _asks you to.'

'What's that supposed to mean? Moony's my friend, he wants us to stop the prank so I'm going to stop the prank.'

'Sure,' James stood up, 'I mean, if he's your _friend._' and with that he walked quickly out of the Great Hall, Peter hurrying behind, leaving Sirius and Remus gaping after them.

Back in the common room, James was staring into the fire, Peter was staring at him and Remus was trying to finish a potions essay but had only written two sentences in an hour. Sirius was sitting in a chair, watching Remus, wondering if he had imagined the challenge, if he was actually going to get Remus all to himself, wondering what James had meant by the emphasis he had put on the word _friend_ when he had left the Great hall 90 minutes before.

Remus gave up the potions essay and headed up the stairs to the dormitory, giving Sirius a look that said, quite clearly, _come with me, _as he passed. Sirius was so relieved that he had not imagined the challenge and that he was going to get Remus that he practically bounced up the stairs after him. Sirius had barely entered the room when he felt Remus's lips on him, a soft kiss that made his whole body tingle. Before he could even put his arms around Remus however, the kiss ended and Remus locked the door, not looking at Sirius, who could tell that he wasn't sure what to do next.

Sirius came up behind him, put his arms around his waist and pulled him into a second kiss, this one more intense than the last.

Remus pulled away, his arms still around Sirius's neck. 'Can we do this?'

Sirius grinned, 'Who's going to stop us?'

With that, Sirius pulled Remus towards the closest bed, leaned down on top of him, hardly believing his luck, and kissed him again.

Remus and Sirius were so distracted that they did not hear the _Alohamora _that caused the door to swing open, nor the footsteps as James and Peter entered the room and only broke apart when James yelled 'What the _fuck?!'_

They sprung up and were both on their feet almost before James had even finished his question.

'I can explain, seriously, I, well that is to say, we were- we were just-' Sirius's explanation wasn't going so well.

'I can see what you were _just_ doing, what I want to know is why? When? How?'

'Well I think you know why, Prongs.' Sirius had gotten over his initial shock and was now attempting to take over the conversation. 'And when, you wanted to know? Well about 10, maybe 15 minutes ago.'

James looked stunned. Sirius continued talking, his voice becoming stronger, 'And how, well, would you like a demonstration?' Sirius pulled Remus closer to him, intending to kiss him again when James's voice stopped him.

'No! No, I don't- I don't need a demonstration.'

'Well then, if that's all, would you please excuse us?' Sirius walked out of the room, his arm around Remus's waist, leaving James and Peter with their eyes bugging out of their heads to stare after them.

When they reached the common room, Remus removed Sirius's hand from his waist, muttering 'I don't want everyone to know yet.'

Sirius followed Remus out the portrait hole, a slightly dejected look on his face that was ruined by the way he was almost skipping.

They walked briskly along the corridors until they reached the Room of Requirement, which Remus opened and walked into without a word. Sirius followed, shutting the door sharply before turning to the nervous looking boy before him. Sirius moved towards him and held him but could sense that they were not just going to be making out like they had in the dormitory.

'We should talk about this.' Remus finally managed to get out.

'Ok, I really like you, I think you really like me too and I want you to be my boyfriend and-' Sirius raised his voice higher as Remus showed signs of interrupting, 'I don't care what anyone else thinks or says about us.'

Remus looked into Sirius's eyes, 'What about James?'

'What about James?'

'Well, he didn't look very happy when he walked in on us before.'

'He'll learn to live with it and if he doesn't, well, he's not a very good friend is he?'

Remus looked as though he wanted to argue but couldn't think of anything to say so just led Sirius to a purple couch in the corner where their lips met in another passionate kiss.

xXxXx

The following day, Sirius was very content in his usual armchair by the fire with a smiling Remus on his lap. They had their arms around each other and their heads close together, having a whispered conversation. They had decided they didn't care what anyone thought about their relationship and had resolved to be open and honest about it, and, although there were a few taunts from the Slytherins, their plan was working well.

They hadn't had much time to talk to James since he had walked in on them but during the few hurried minutes between classes they had gotten to talk, James had assured them that he was happy for them, although, Sirius noticed, his eyes were looking anywhere but their entwined hands.

'YESS!!!!'

Sirius's romantic moment with Remus was interrupted as James bounded into the common room. He looked ecstatic about something and Sirius was eager to find out what.

'She said yes! She said YES!!' James began some kind of weird dance in front of the fire as Sirius grinned. It seemed as though Lily Evans had finally agreed to go out with him. Sirius, however, decided to humour James.

'What are you talking about, mate?' Sirius tried to hide his grin as he asked this question.

Remus shot him a _you seriously don't know why he's so happy? _look, to which Sirius replied with a small kiss on the cheek.

James's mouth was hanging open with shock. 'She said yes, Sirius.'

'Who said yes to what?'

'Lily Evans' were the only words James seemed to be able to manage.

'What exactly did Lily Evans say yes to?' Sirius was enjoying himself and trying not to let the grin show again.

'She- she said yes.'

'Yes, we got that, what was the question she said yes to?'

'Will you go out with me?'

'Oh, I am afraid not, dearie, you see, I've already got meself a boyfriend.' He motioned to Remus and sensed that he thought Sirius's feigned ignorance was getting old. Sirius kissed him on the lips, deciding he'd rather hear about James's success after making out with his boyfriend.

James cleared his throat loudly and Sirius looked up at him. 'Yes?'

'Lily Evans agreed to go on a date with me.'

Sirius almost deposited Remus on the floor as he attempted to jump up in surprise.

'Really? Oh my good goodness! Congratulations, mate! Well done to you! So, how'd you manage to get her after all these failed attempts? C'mon tell the story, and don't leave out any juicy details.'

James looked startled by Sirius's sudden enthusiasm and Remus just grinned at his boyfriend's strange little quirks as they sat on the floor in front of the fire to hear James's history making success story.

**A/N: The End! Did you like? I was thinking of doing more but I'm lazy and I think this is an ok ending, don't you? Please review! This is my first fic, and just think, you could be my first reviewer! Yay!**


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